Friday, April 24, 2009

Epiphany of sorts...

So I am definitely enjoying my time in Japan. I've been eating loads of food and walking more than my feet can bear. It's funny. I have felt more comfortable these past 2 days in Japan than I felt in Korea after living there for almost a year. I almost feel normal here. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy Korea. But it is as if I lose myself there. Like I'm not quite sure who I am in certain ways. Though living there has helped me appreciate certain things loads more.

I am ready in a way to start my life. Korea hasn't felt like an extension of life. It has kind of felt like my life was put on pause for a year and will resume in a few months. I do enjoy my job. I enjoy the people I have met. I have made some amazing friends that I wish I could bring home in my suitcase. I know there are those friends who I will continue to keep in touch with even after I return to the states. But I also feel as if I am on a vacation from life and I don't like it. I've said it before, but it almost feels like I am playing a teacher instead of being one. I do work hard, and it has paid off. But I can only do this here. I can't go home and teach. I also feel lacking as I search for jobs back home because I have so little experience. It is daunting to look at job postings because I keep asking myself "Am I qualified?" And I'm afraid the answer is a resounding "No."

I have enjoyed my experience abroad so far but I can definitely say I will not do this again. Not under the circumstances I am in. Being in a committed relationship is hard enough. Add being 7000+mi apart and things at times become unbearable. Especially when you are used to being with that person almost every day. Lately I have become so emotional that the smallest things can set me off into a crying mess. Seeing couples walk hand-in-hand down the street makes my eyes water. Wacthing what has been some of my favorite shows "Bridezillas" and "Platinum Weddings" causes the tears to flow.

All in all there are just so many reasons I am ready to return home. Friends, family, school, jobs...sometimes it all seems overwhelming to think about. So my goal is to enjoy what time I have left here, save as much money as possible and keep the waterworks to a minimum...I hope...


Andy said...

I had the same thing. When I went to Japan, i was just WOW all the time. Within 24 hours, it made me think "Was coming to Korea the right choice?". It's really interesting how a neighboring countries can be so different from each other.

Did you notice that Japan also has no public rubbish bins, but there is almost no rubbish to be seen?! And no rotten decaying smells? That's what I noticed when I was in Japan. hehe

I totally get your "delaying your life" thing. I felt like that as well. A lot of my friends that I went to uni with are all getting ready for middle-age. lol. They're getting married, buying houses, starting to settle down. If I didn't go to Korea, I would have done that. But, then I think - how boring! That's not for me.

After 6 months away from Korea, and being back home, working back home, etc... I find my life to me boring, stagnant and mundane. I really miss my simple, quiet Korean "In the middle of nowhere" countryside life. I needed a break from my job, but I regret leaving Korea.

Planning to go back (if I can to the same place, and my old job) in 2010. It's not life on hold.... it's life!

Foreigner Joy said...

Great reflections on Japan and Korean life. I felt the same in Japan. Was able to sit back and look at my life in Korea. And of course Japan is so darn special you want to stay there haha!

Hey I think it was great you came to Korea. Got to have a real life experience ... not many are brave enough to do it. ;)

Kristen said...

Yeah. On the whole I am glad I came to Korea. I know so many people who just sit back and never try anything and I'm glad I could do that. My little sister the other day said she was proud of me and wanted to do the same thing when she graduates high school so it just made me so happy and proud of myself as well=^^=

SeoulSearching said...

i feel the same way...although i havent made it to korea parents are like get a job...but i am not ready for a "real" me this is my time to live and going to SK is going to be an amazing opportunity for that will open doors...i'm super excited and know that no matter what people say...i'm doing this for me and this will open doors to wherever... :) i've loved reading your blogs and getting to know you a little bit! I hope to visit with you when i get there!! :D- Gabi