Thursday, July 23, 2009

Breakups feel like...

...your heart is on fire.

I never really post my feelings on here. I usually keep them to myself or talk to close friends rather than put them out here so they can be analyzed, trampled on or judged. Despite what may be percieved as a flippant attitude my true feelings are anything but.

I find myself short on patience...for everyone. Even people that I love who I never had a problem with now irk me. I've been short tempered with my students. Had a particularly awesome blow-up on Tuesday with my elementary students. I find myself looking upon other couples with disgust and envy and longing for what I once had. My phone rings and I wish like mad that it was Anh calling, telling me that he wants to rethink and...maybe just start talking to work things out. To be there when I step foot back in the country. Just knowing that when I get off the plane his smiling face won't be there kills me. I've cried myself to sleep nearly every night. I can't sleep until the sun comes up. Either I don't eat or I eat too much.

Yes, I feel guilty for even thinking of going on this blind date. I almost call it off everytime I think about it, regardless of what my friends say.... scares me to actually write all of this where people can see. But it is my blog and this is where I can put things out there. All I can say I guess is that breakups are tough for a variety of reasons. Good luck to everyone out there who is dealing with it as well...


Anonymous said...

Hi, it is me again. I don't want to go on date because I still love him and it is also not fair for you and the other person. I know he will be back here soon. I have a feeling that we might have a chance to be back together. If he knows that I go out on a date with some other guy, there will be zero chance because he knows most of my friends and he will know about it. If you don't feel right don't go on the blind date. It is all you, not your friends. I am sorry about everything. Hope you can sleep well again. Do the right thing and miracle will happen.

Lola O. said...

No matter what any of us say no one knows your heart better than you.

Right now you are having a hard time and none of us know when it will get better but I will tell you it WILL GET BETTER. Time is the greatest medicine we are given for broken hearts. As each day passes and you keep on getting up an going through your life your heart will get a little better each day. Sure it might relapse but in the end it will heal and you will heal.

Giving your heart to someone and having it trampled on is one of the most painful things a human being can go through, but as that pain fades away, and it will you will be stronger and wiser for it.

It seems like the end of the world, but it is a new start for you so remember to keep smiling, laughing, and living. Your temper is short because you are sad and you are hurting but remember you have people in your life that love you and will be there for you.

I don't even know you, but I hope these words help..because I wrote them with sincerity!

Foreigner Joy said...

I know how you feel.

Remember when I broke up with BK I wrote about the grieving process. It is real. We lost somebody and that person doesn't have the guts to talk to us about it.

Go on the date but try to be passive on it. Just go and see what it is like. But don't get lost in that world.

I too was digusted with everyone around me after my break up. Wanted to push couples out of my way and shout at them.

To me you appear to be a stronger person than me so I know you can triumph over this.